Marriage by Andrea Merrell

Author:Andrea Merrell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Straight Street Books
Published: 2017-04-30T04:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER EIGHT

WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM?

ANOTHER EXPERIENCE that saved our marriage by helping us understand each other better was learning about the four basic temperaments: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic.*

Have you ever wondered why your wife burns whatever she cooks, loses her purse, and can’t remember where she parks? Maybe your husband shows no emotion when plans go haywire and doesn’t care when he has a black sock on one foot and a blue one on the other. Your spouse might be friendly but forgetful, dependable but moody, or confident but a little impatient. Depending on the situation, he or she might exhibit little quirks that make you want to ask, “What planet are you from?”

Studying the temperaments, which first originated with the theory of the Greek historian Hippocrates (460-370 BC), not only helped Charlie and me understand each other better, but it also gave us insight into the behavior of our children and helped us see others in a whole new light.

If you’re struggling to comprehend your spouse’s thoughts and behavior, let’s look briefly at the temperaments, along with a few of the strengths and weaknesses of each.

Sanguine (Extrovert/Talker/Optimist)

• Strengths: bubbly, outgoing, sincere, enthusiastic, friendly, talkative

• Weaknesses: scatterbrained, forgetful, naïve, disorganized, talkative

Melancholy (Introvert/Thinker/Pessimist)

• Strengths: detailed, loyal, dependable, creative, analytical

• Weaknesses: perfectionistic, sensitive, critical, negative, moody

Choleric (Extrovert/Doer/Optimist)

• Strengths: confident, independent, self-sufficient, capable leader

• Weaknesses: bossy, impatient, indifferent, rash, lacks compassion

Phlegmatic (Introvert/Watcher/Pessimist)

• Strengths: calm, patient, happy, peaceful, well-balanced

•Weaknesses: lazy, unmotivated, indecisive, hardheaded, resists change

Do you see yourself—or your spouse—in any of these categories? In the same way most people have a primary love language, they also have a primary temperament, usually with a close second. I like to say that Jesus has a picture-perfect blend of all the temperaments—all the strengths and none of the weaknesses. He has the storytelling gift and sincerity of the Sanguine; the sensitivity, organization, and loyalty of the Melancholy; the confidence and administrative ability of the Choleric; and the calm, peaceful, well-balanced nature of the Phlegmatic. His strengths are the perfect combination. This is why we’re to look to Jesus as our example and standard, refusing to compare ourselves to anyone else.

When we find out what motivates us, we can work to build on our strengths and eliminate our weaknesses. But once you discover what motivates you, refuse to use it as a weapon or an excuse. I’ve heard people say, “That’s just the way I am, and if you don’t like it, tough!” The purpose of the study of temperaments isn’t to put ourselves in a category; it’s to help us understand our strengths and weaknesses so we can become the best version of ourselves. Let’s take a closer look.

The Sanguine

Sanguines are the talkers who love people. Their energy comes from being in a crowd. Typically the life of the party, they are emotional, demonstrative, and outgoing. They can turn any task into fun. Sanguines enjoy the limelight. They are the cheerleaders, performers, and party planners. People with this temperament are curious individuals and can listen to five conversations at the same time.

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